A Conscientious Coward

The protagonist of Khaled Hosseini’s The Kite Runner is Amir. Although the author does not describe Amir’s appearance physically, I would assume that when he was young he would have the characteristic naïve glint in his eyes like every other boy his age. The book mentions that he is not a fighter. His father laments that “‘…he never fights back. Never’” (24). Therefore, Amir can also be characterized as skinny, not of the muscular build. He would also have generic Afghan physical qualities such as tanned skin, black hair, and brown eyes.

The best word to describe Amir’s character is cowardly, at least in the first half of the book. He is dependent on his father to solve all his problems. For example, during the encounter with Assef, a bully, he kept “[wishing he’d] look up and see [his father] coming up the hill” (43). This shows his dependence on his father and his inability to rely on himself to solve his own problems. Another example of Amir’s cowardice is when his friend and servant Hassan was being raped by Assef. Amir watched in fear, and in the end, when he was deciding whether to help Hassan or not, “[he] ran because [he] was a coward. [He] was afraid of Assef and what he would do to [him]” (82). The reason Amir ran was because he was afraid. However, he did not even tell his father what happened to Hassan because he was afraid his father would chastise him for his cowardice. This reveals Amir’s selfish nature. He was more concerned with gaining his father’s praise than for the virtue of his one faithful friend. However, one redeeming quality Amir has is his conscience. After the incident with Hassan, he feels guilty about what he has done. This is what puts his apart from antagonists like Assef. He knows that he has done evil and he feels guilty. As a result, he tries unsuccessfully to amend his relationship with Hassan by provoking Hassan to attack him back. This is can be seen when he says to Hassan, “‘I want to you to stop harassing me. I want you to go away’” (94). The real reason Amir says this is revealed in these next lines: “I wished he would give it right back to me, break the door open and tell me off—it would have made things easier, better” (94). He wanted Hassan to somehow make things even between them, avenge himself for Amir’s abandonment of him during Assef’s assault.

Amir’s motivation in the first half of the book comes from his desire to please his father. Everything he does is done with the goal of reaching his father’s high standards. An example of this is when he wins the kite fighting contest, it is “…the single greatest moment of [his] twelve years of life, seeing [his father] on the roof, proud of [him] at last” (71).

The story takes place during the dying days of Afghanistan’s monarchy, with the first part mainly set in Kabul; the second setting, after the takeover of the Taliban, is mostly in California, where Amir and his father flee. Amir is a Pashtun, a “pure” Afghan, while his servant, and friend, Hassan, is a Hazara, is a mixture of Afghan and Asian descent. This causes Amir to be ridiculed and teased in the face of other Pashtuns, particularly, the antagonist, Assef, for being friends with a “‘…dirty…Hazara’” (45). Therefore the main conflict of the novel is man vs. society, where Amir struggles to maintain his friendship with Hassan against a community who sees his friend as inferior. This ethnic divide is what eventually breaks apart their friendship. Their relationship is severely damaged after Assef rapes Hassan with the desire to “‘[teach] a lesson to a disrespectful donkey’” (80). After this incident, Amir and Hassan’s friendship begins to deteriorate due to Amir’s conscientious feelings of guilt because he is unable to even look Hassan straight in the eye anymore.

Amir’s character is deeply flawed, which makes him easy to connect to. If I put myself in his shoes, I think I would have done the same as him, and fled. Being a hero at such a young age is not an easy feat, and the novel would have seemed too unreal if he had saved Hassan. However, his conscientious guilt is what makes him human and easy to relate to. He reminds me of Amelia from Jodi Picoult’s Handle With Care. Amelia’s sister has an incurable disease that makes her need more attention than normal from her parents and caretakers. When a wrongful birth lawsuit is filed against her mother’s obstetrician/gynaecologist, Amelia develops bulimia and commits self-mutilation to escape from her problems because she does not believe that her sister’s birth was wrongful but she is expected to help testify for wrongful birth. To be able to vent her pain, she starts cutting instead of facing her parents and telling them how she really feels. Similarly, Amir is pressured by his father and does not face his problems. To an outsider, Amir may seem selfish and cowardly, but inside, he is brave enough to admit that he is a coward, and later in The Kite Runner he gathers the courage to mend the divide he created between himself and Hassan.

Celestial Heaven's Flame

Please, meet me on the heaven’s flame—

The one that sits like a dew drop upon the clouds

In the heartless night sky.

When mother earth’s life blood becomes barren,

When her bones rot and decay,

When her ambient shield begins to weaken,

I will not be here.

When black and white end their timeless dance,

Without a doubt

The light thief, forever keep his peace,

And when the sky candle burns out,

You will not be here.

So, please!

Before the flame burns to a timespace trap,

Before Atlas abandons his merciless burden

Let the hope jar bring to you a celestial map.

And there you will surely save me:

From my numbing nightmare.

We can be consumed by eternity;

And we will still be there.

Okay, this enigmata is more like a love poem than a Valentine's Day poem...But that aside, this poem is for a fictional character whom I really like. Let's call him "Primo", because he ranks first of the fictional characters I like. In the fantasy/adventure/action fiction that he's in, he represents the harmony of the sky, which is why I used a lot of night and sky imagery. In this fictional story, "flame" is personified as his fighting strength and determination, which is why I used "heaven's flame" as a kenning for the place we will meet. The fact that Primo is only a fictional character means that I can only meet him in my dreams or nightmares, which is the entire meaning of my poem. I chose him to write to because I really admire his leadership abilities and his wisdom, and I hope the one who saves me from my nightmares in the future is just like him.

Anyway, I apologize if my kennings confuse you...but I'm not about to spoil your fun by explaining my entire poem.

Enjoy!

When Hope is Gone

    Sometimes in life, the greatest challenges we face are with ourselves. The centre of every human's universe is themself. Therefore, when one considers who has the greatest influence over an individual's decisions and emotions, the answer is oneself. This is not always a positive fact, for when one is challenged, physically or mentally, they tend set barriers, or limits, of what they can or cannot do. Therefore, internal conflict is natural. However, conflicts faced internally never have to be fought alone. Boundaries that are set internally can be taken down, and not necessarily by the one who originally placed it there. Consider the time I went to Strathcona.

    The time was spring 2009, and I was part of the hiking group. The breeze there carried the strong, natural scent of fresh air and the bright sun in the sky smiled down at me. I shivered in anticipation of the scenery we would pass on our hike, the breathtaking view our leader described to us. Until, of course, our leader walked toward us with an apologetic smile on his lips and disappointment nested upon his furrowed eyebrows. He told us we would go tree climbing instead, and promised that there would be beautiful scenes along the way. At this time, the disapproving frown of the clouds kidnapped the sun's encouraging smile and the world around me turned an ominous shade of blue-gray.

    As we hiked through the woods to the tree we would inevitably climb, a freezing gust of wind haunted us, as if taunting us to go further. A sudden chill filled the air, and the musky smell of trees suddenly turned my stomach. When we reached our destination, I saw a tall, towering tree before me, flexing its mighty arms in the ice cold wind. There were steel staples lined vertically up its trunk for climbing. I felt a merciless tapping on my head and shoulders, looking up to see that the darkness of the clouds had complete enveloped the sun's light. I pulled up the hood of my jacket as a deluge of wet coldness ensued.

    When my turn finally came to challenge the towering giant, I felt growing dread in the pit of my stomach. My mind was filled with endless thoughts of failure, falling as the rain roared around me.

    "I want to go home now," I whispered to myself. "I don't want to do this. I can't do this."

    A sudden warmth flooded through my shoulder. I looked up from under my dripping hood and into the bright eyes of my friends. Concern filled their eyes and although they were as thoroughly soaked as I was, they were smiling; their eyes held the remainder of the morning sun's brilliant glint. The roar of the rain still resounded throughout my ears, although the sound was not as prominent as before. One of my friends patted my shoulder again.

    "C'mon. you can do it," she said, her voice full of life.

    I nodded, and began to climb.

    Looking back now, the one that set the limits of what I could and could not do was me. Not the weather, not the tree, but me. I was the one who told myself I could not do it. The rain and the height of the tree discouraged me, but ultimately the only thing stopping me was me. The ones who removed that limit for me were my friends. If not for them, I would never have had the courage to put my foot on that first staple. And, by the way, I did climb to the top of that tree and the view from there was breathtakingly beautiful. The challenge I faced was from within me, but I did not over come it alone. Therefore, the challenges we face in life never have to be fought alone. In addition, the reward we receive from overcoming these challenges will be just as great as the rainbow peeking out from behind the clouds I saw on the way home.